Mediocrity

I am a mediocre

Chap -1 :

Know what you are

Here’s the first line of my never to be published book “I am a mediocre”! Now for those who are wondering how do I know so well already that its not going to be published, then I must say it’s just 2^nd line of my book an u r not paying attention already! Dint I tell u dat I am a mediocre and creatures like me never rise in life! 

People are blessed with quite a few things, ones called as god’s gift. Now they are the special ones god chose to put his bliss on. Well message to the special ones – you are just good at 1 thing n probably below normal at all other things so good for you that god  saved you by giving atleast something! Did I sound rude…as hell I was and why won’t I? What criteria did you guys fulfill to be the special ones? Some competition in hell/heaven which I missed out again as usual …or you were the random picks? So now that I don’t have an answer and I can’t just give you any undue credit so I wud call you people lucky. Plain lucky and no talent! Now let me examine the ones who take the wrong path, the ones called back benchers in a class, who are considered nuisance creators all over. Now just like the god gifted children, you are also equally famous, famous for being consistent at the turmoil you cause in people’s life. So there may be a child in school who just had to repeat a class coz he failed or an engg grad awarded with 16 supplementaries by the end of year or an ever unemployed person …well theres some real good news for you. You have reason to cheer coz you have been consistent in failing. Consistency is the most difficult thing which can be expected from people and you are good at it. All your teachers, your neighbors know you. Whatever you do is under scrutiny of others. Also you are not expected a lot in  life, whatever you manage to do finally is above par!  And most of all you have so much of guts to accept the reality and live with it and move on peacefully. So do you feel gud about you? I bet you do.

Well now for the ones wondering just like me… but I am not a superbly gifted person neither am I a dumb. So for those who want to join the elite club of mediocrity, you need to pass few self tests. Identification is the root cause of eradication problems. So let’s identify where you do or do not belong to this group. Do you often feel like life hasn’t been fair to you, people around you have got special advantages which you were deprived of and that’s why they are successful and you are not. Do you often ask this question “y god y me?”. Well these are just few of the symptoms of this deadly disease.

The moment I gained consciousness in this world, I remember myself as quite an extrovert child. Now that’s a proud word to be used, but I was that way. I dint cared what people thought of me. I talked to every person under the sun and was never scared. My mother also used to get irritated by my blabbering. Then what happened that changed me so drastically that I started hiding behind my mom n dad if asked to talk to a stranger. I started asking them to talk to people, I never took any initiative. I am 28 now and I do the same still. The only difference being that its my husband who does my part of talking now. So for all those who are thinking that something dramatically wrong happened to me, which changed my course of life, for all of you wondering how this bubbly full of life child became a timid shy person, to your relief nothing happened which could inspire a bollywood movie here or can get you into tears. Yet a lot of thing happened.

We need to understand that y is a person so outspoken as a child and becomes restricted as he/she progresses. The reason is simple. Knowing what you can do in life also means to know what you can’t. Wise people say know yourself better, that’s the key to success. I don’t know about success but for sure I can say that knowing one too well can be the worst of the things you will do to your confidence and pride. As a child you don’t know what you are capable of and you think you can be anything in this world. The only thing you need to pick is what you aspire to be and that thing will be yours. When you talk to people you don’t feel scared coz you don’t think what they will be thinking about you. This is because you don’t know what to think of yourself only. According to you, you are still that super kid capable of everything. And then you come in your school, you give your exams, you compete with your fellow children and then starts the whole perception business. Then starts what teacher thinks of you. What your friends say about you. And slowly in this rat race you leave the super kid avatar and goon to become wht you think people think of you. But are we wrong in that? Is it not so imposing a thought to assume that the behavior of others towards you is right because their perception about you is also right. Don’t we need some confirmation from atleast 1 person on this earth that what you thought you were was right and not what these think? 

How many times have we been a victim of favoritism by our superiors? Our teachers favor the kids who come in top 3. They also favor the prettiest girl in the class, also the naughtiest yet sharp boy. And after some time you conclude that neither you are intelligent nor sharp and not the prettiest in least! Teachers would say to this “but we never said that”. Yes you dint but by favoring a few you made others rethink that whats in them which is lacking. They would say “ but it is for your good, you should aspire to be like them”. But I say can I turn intelligent and recite all the poems as the class topper just did? Can I turn prettiest overnite, can I become sharpest just like that. No I can’t because this is what I am, y don’t you love me this way?  

But just a question to all those who think like me, if the teacher starts favoring all of them then wont it be chaotic? Wont it be uninspiring to come in her good books, wont we turn complacent? We will. But still I think that the teachers are wrong. You know why? This is because I need someone to cover for my shortcomings, for my failures, for the perception people have about me. This is because I am looking for a scapegoat. And I always do, it’s satisfying to know and tell with pride that it was because of him/her that this thing happened to me! 

 My schooling from class 1 to 4 has been really good because I never strained my head too much to think what I am as a person. I was handpicked in class 4 to attend the interview for school and house prestigious badges. I was the chosen one because I spoke a lot. I took part in almost everything right from plays to dance. Even though I was a 8^th ranker in my class, quite a mediocre at studies yet I got selected for the 2^nd highest badge of school and that was Vice head Girl. I had made my parents proud, I was beaming with energy as I had left so many stalwarts behind me, just because one interviewer saw a spark in me.  Then where did the spark go? How did I land on to become a mediocre feeling a loser in my life? As I said earlier, I started knowing myself better.