Mediocrity part 2

I.just read d prev post of mine on mediocrity...n wat shud i say..i was mighty impressed by it...may be coz dats wat i really think and i am amazed to read something which is so narrating my story.

Well its been 4 yrs sincr dat post but belive me nuthing had changed at all...i got kicked out of 2 jobs...i mean literally fired..de cud see i was no use..so may be i have stooped to abother heights of mediocrity :) 

Tiday we watched the movie tamasha...i really liked it..i almost felt like i shud change my life..as if it ws my story  being narrated..as if imtiaz ali khan made d movie for me to waken my spirits frm grave n be d new me..all pretty succesful! To leave d veil of mediocrity and shine like a ..umm dnt know d simile...pretty mediocre vocab i have got! N all pumped up i started talking to my hubby .u know i was d vice head girl of school...i ws shining..i dnt know wat happened suddenly dat i became like dis...n do u know wat my luving hubby did....he started playing peekaboo wid my baby..hahhahaha just like dat...n den i ws shocked...i said u nt listening...b ge says oh sry i ws playing...i said u shud hav reactes ti my vice head girl fucking boasting saga...n he says wat shyd i say...u were vhg ..so wat...so wat shud i say..wat is dere to say..n den i cried b4 him trying to make him as guilty as i cud of nt having tym for me..not listening or being proud of me being vhg!! N den i understood...i m again doing d same thing ..luking for scapegoats..hahhaha...scapegoat for nt having a partner who would listen to me...he said hez sick of me...sick of my constant blabbering boasting and whining...yups crct hez...hez bored...he dsnt want nething from me...y do i beakt him up for d same den...n den i stooped to another 2 levels of mediocrity ...where it struck to me dat nuhing bout me is grand...nuthing in which anyone on the earth wud be jnterested...i mean not even me...i get so bored of me i tell u..sigh!! 

u know y my hubby has become a lil positive bout me prpfessionally indese 4 yrs..coz i reallyhelped him financially...n coz astro said i m going to make it big one day ...hahhaha...poor hubby...dsnt even realize wat he got himself into..

So after all d false motivation from d movie , i reakized dat i am yet again no good to anyone...not even me...but this time i reallywanna lower down d expectations i have from people. Now how...i dont know yet...few thibgs i know which have to go are...me forgetting my glorious good for nothing past of being vhg etc...yups dose were mistakes made by few people and we cannot make dem scapegoats now saying..but de said i m xceptional! So no i m nt..i need to forget my childhood...just remember d jist of my life which makes me:

1. I ws so worthless dat no1 cared to even ask my name or rven look in my direction

2. Ugly i am...n its amazing to see.those few people who see me day in day out..how do u guuz manage ya...i cnt manage myself! So i need to forget dat people actually liked me at some point of yime....mistakes de made...we need not carry dat all along

3. Novartis and seclore truely understood my worth and dats wat i am...below average employee who struggles to understand even d basics of d basic rules...forget about the execution part! If i remember this point all wys den half my probs is.solved...i wont boast ever...coz a mediocre boasting as d best on earth luks sheer stupidity! 

4. No talks wid hubby which says nething bout me or my past..hez sick of my talks..remember! So we talk about baby ..him his career..baby ...my succesful frds..to which he will compare n make me feel more pathetic..which i deserve anyway :)

5. Everytym i get some success(read someone doing a gr8 favor), i am.going to come and read this..this will ensure dat i again dnt start my boasting business and forget d success as a mistake by some1 and continue my mediocre life as is:) 

This post is dedicated to my dear hubby whoz sick of me(i stink) and my thots(watta coincidence..de stink too hahhaaha)!!! Its 1am..i m going to turn 32 in a mnths tym...no wisdom yet...alass!!!

Female infanticide should be made legal

I am a 28 yr old married woman who is all set and super excited for motherhood. I know how important a child is to a marriage to complete the family, to make a woman complete. Yet i think killing a girl child inside the foetus is not brutal! Am i of the theory who considers that girl child is a burden for me? No! Do i fear she is a huge investment with 0 ROI? No! I have to arrange for her dowry even if she would be highly educated? No! Am i of the philosophy that only a boy can take my generations name forward? No! Then what could be the reason for an aspiring mother to advocate for female infanticide?

As a teenager i used to think a lot as to how will i raise my girl child. It was always a girl in my mind because i never quite understood boys. As i grew up i became more and more obsessed with having a girl child. I chose a name also "Aanya". I was too excited to see a barbie doll or a pink fairy dress or the little girls on reality shows dancing singing brilliantly. But now as i get ready to bring my little one in this world i dread getting my Aanya to see this world. Reason is simple, if i can not give a safe, secure, and a terror free world to my daughter, if she cannot take her breath without thinking that it may be her last one, if she cannot do what she wants without getting scared about going out in those lonely streets, then what right do i have to bring her in this world! No she is not a burden to me but she will be a burden to herself. Why to torment the one i would love the most?

The newspaper these days are filled with cases of gang rapes, molestation and child abuse. I don't understand that the cases have increased in 21st century or the cases being reported are on an increase. Whatever it is it gives a proof of the heinous crime which is going on in society, however we may try and close our eyes to it, the reality aint going to change! Whenever we hear or read about such incidents, we become scared but subconsciously we believe that this cannot happen to me, not at all, not possible. May be the girl who got raped today thought the same reading the paper yesterday!

I can bet on the name of the person i love the most, that there aint be any woman who has not been a victim of eve teasing. As a teenager i remember while driving to my home from tuition i always dreaded to see in the rear mirror a bike racing towards me, i never knew that when they will overtake me, what will become of me. Some lewd remarks, some wrong touches or may be i will be on the road down with an accident in an attempt to save myself. I was not safe then, my daughter wont be either! Frankly speaking i wasnt too shocked by hearing the verdicts of khaps in UP stating that a woman cannot go outside a house unattended. Yes she cannot. Not that any kind of protection can actually protect her, but at least may obviate it for some time.  "Men and women are equal" is the most hypocritic statement i have ever heard in my life. They are equal only until men want them to. But whenever there manhood gets hurt because of a smart woman colleague or a refusal by a girl on a proposal or by wife earning more, then they are not equal. Then she needs to be taught a lesson that who she actually is! She should not be stupid enough to believe that she can be what she wants but she can be reduced to a living corpse at the mercy of a man! She could have a scar for her life which no justice, no 7 yrs imprisonment of her tormentor can remove!

So let this world get devoid of woman, let the situation in rajasthan happen all over the world where they are no girls left at all. The reason then was different to kill them, the reason now is different. But outcome is the same.

My dear girl "Anya", you are safer in my thoughts and fantasies but i dare not get you in this world my dear because i dont have enough capacity to save you from the scavengers around! I am really sorry!

Mediocrity

I am a mediocre

Chap -1 :

Know what you are

Here’s the first line of my never to be published book “I am a mediocre”! Now for those who are wondering how do I know so well already that its not going to be published, then I must say it’s just 2^nd line of my book an u r not paying attention already! Dint I tell u dat I am a mediocre and creatures like me never rise in life! 

People are blessed with quite a few things, ones called as god’s gift. Now they are the special ones god chose to put his bliss on. Well message to the special ones – you are just good at 1 thing n probably below normal at all other things so good for you that god  saved you by giving atleast something! Did I sound rude…as hell I was and why won’t I? What criteria did you guys fulfill to be the special ones? Some competition in hell/heaven which I missed out again as usual …or you were the random picks? So now that I don’t have an answer and I can’t just give you any undue credit so I wud call you people lucky. Plain lucky and no talent! Now let me examine the ones who take the wrong path, the ones called back benchers in a class, who are considered nuisance creators all over. Now just like the god gifted children, you are also equally famous, famous for being consistent at the turmoil you cause in people’s life. So there may be a child in school who just had to repeat a class coz he failed or an engg grad awarded with 16 supplementaries by the end of year or an ever unemployed person …well theres some real good news for you. You have reason to cheer coz you have been consistent in failing. Consistency is the most difficult thing which can be expected from people and you are good at it. All your teachers, your neighbors know you. Whatever you do is under scrutiny of others. Also you are not expected a lot in  life, whatever you manage to do finally is above par!  And most of all you have so much of guts to accept the reality and live with it and move on peacefully. So do you feel gud about you? I bet you do.

Well now for the ones wondering just like me… but I am not a superbly gifted person neither am I a dumb. So for those who want to join the elite club of mediocrity, you need to pass few self tests. Identification is the root cause of eradication problems. So let’s identify where you do or do not belong to this group. Do you often feel like life hasn’t been fair to you, people around you have got special advantages which you were deprived of and that’s why they are successful and you are not. Do you often ask this question “y god y me?”. Well these are just few of the symptoms of this deadly disease.

The moment I gained consciousness in this world, I remember myself as quite an extrovert child. Now that’s a proud word to be used, but I was that way. I dint cared what people thought of me. I talked to every person under the sun and was never scared. My mother also used to get irritated by my blabbering. Then what happened that changed me so drastically that I started hiding behind my mom n dad if asked to talk to a stranger. I started asking them to talk to people, I never took any initiative. I am 28 now and I do the same still. The only difference being that its my husband who does my part of talking now. So for all those who are thinking that something dramatically wrong happened to me, which changed my course of life, for all of you wondering how this bubbly full of life child became a timid shy person, to your relief nothing happened which could inspire a bollywood movie here or can get you into tears. Yet a lot of thing happened.

We need to understand that y is a person so outspoken as a child and becomes restricted as he/she progresses. The reason is simple. Knowing what you can do in life also means to know what you can’t. Wise people say know yourself better, that’s the key to success. I don’t know about success but for sure I can say that knowing one too well can be the worst of the things you will do to your confidence and pride. As a child you don’t know what you are capable of and you think you can be anything in this world. The only thing you need to pick is what you aspire to be and that thing will be yours. When you talk to people you don’t feel scared coz you don’t think what they will be thinking about you. This is because you don’t know what to think of yourself only. According to you, you are still that super kid capable of everything. And then you come in your school, you give your exams, you compete with your fellow children and then starts the whole perception business. Then starts what teacher thinks of you. What your friends say about you. And slowly in this rat race you leave the super kid avatar and goon to become wht you think people think of you. But are we wrong in that? Is it not so imposing a thought to assume that the behavior of others towards you is right because their perception about you is also right. Don’t we need some confirmation from atleast 1 person on this earth that what you thought you were was right and not what these think? 

How many times have we been a victim of favoritism by our superiors? Our teachers favor the kids who come in top 3. They also favor the prettiest girl in the class, also the naughtiest yet sharp boy. And after some time you conclude that neither you are intelligent nor sharp and not the prettiest in least! Teachers would say to this “but we never said that”. Yes you dint but by favoring a few you made others rethink that whats in them which is lacking. They would say “ but it is for your good, you should aspire to be like them”. But I say can I turn intelligent and recite all the poems as the class topper just did? Can I turn prettiest overnite, can I become sharpest just like that. No I can’t because this is what I am, y don’t you love me this way?  

But just a question to all those who think like me, if the teacher starts favoring all of them then wont it be chaotic? Wont it be uninspiring to come in her good books, wont we turn complacent? We will. But still I think that the teachers are wrong. You know why? This is because I need someone to cover for my shortcomings, for my failures, for the perception people have about me. This is because I am looking for a scapegoat. And I always do, it’s satisfying to know and tell with pride that it was because of him/her that this thing happened to me! 

 My schooling from class 1 to 4 has been really good because I never strained my head too much to think what I am as a person. I was handpicked in class 4 to attend the interview for school and house prestigious badges. I was the chosen one because I spoke a lot. I took part in almost everything right from plays to dance. Even though I was a 8^th ranker in my class, quite a mediocre at studies yet I got selected for the 2^nd highest badge of school and that was Vice head Girl. I had made my parents proud, I was beaming with energy as I had left so many stalwarts behind me, just because one interviewer saw a spark in me.  Then where did the spark go? How did I land on to become a mediocre feeling a loser in my life? As I said earlier, I started knowing myself better.